My Film: 'Red Riding Hood' 15-4-11

The classic "little" has been removed from the original title, and director Catherine Hardwicke has put a pubertal spin on the old folk tale, making it dark, psychological and sexy.

Once upon a time, a small girl in a red cloak scurried through the dark forest to deliver pastries to her worryingly lupine-looking grandma. Now the girl in question is Valerie, played by Amanda Seyfried, a so called 'babe', who lives in a quaintly imagined medieval European village, most likely German, menaced by a werewolf that lives in the outlying forest. She is in love with sexy bad boy Peter played by practically unknown, Shiloh Fernandez but promised in marriage to equally dishy posh Henry played by Martina Cole's The Runaway star, Max Irons, who is supposed to be rich, and yet seems to have the somewhat pleb job of ironmonger, presumably to show us his sweaty pecs. I am not going to lie to you, my adoring public but I fancy Max Irons. He is a beautiful specimen of a man, son of the ex heartthrob and Hollywood heavyweight, Jeremy Irons. Whilst watching this film, I had to stop myself from screaming at the screen when Valarie ignored this handsome Prince. Henry... Call Me!

Gary Oldman plays the priest-cum-beast-catcher who comes to the village when the werewolf runs amok. He tells the villagers that this terrible creature is one of them transformed: the beast within! But to the suspicion of one and all, Valerie discovers that she can actually communicate with the werewolf. She's a bit of a wolf whisperer. And of course, she's kind of attracted to this menacing, romantic outsider. But how to update the basic, climactic events of the Red Riding Hood tale? The whole "gobbling up" thing can of course only translate into sex, but in true Twilighty style, the film has a tense need to refrain from going all the way. A roll in the hay, during a village celebration, appears ambiguously to end in Valerie not actually having sex.

This film is, of course, far too cool to give us a wolf with a comedy frilly hat on its head, doing the comedy old-lady voice, with the duvet pulled demurely up to its neck. Hardwicke does actually use the famous "what-big-teeth-you-have" dialogue but in an ironic sort of way, and even flirts unconvincingly with the idea that Julie Christie's gran is the wolf. But we all know that it would just be to obvious.

Sex. Sex. Sex. But lacks depth, watch it once but not a 'buy on dvd' sort of film.

My Star Rating:

7.5/10 *

My Film: 'Winnie The Pooh' 15-4-11

The comeback of old-style hand-drawing at Disney under the watchful eye of Pixar's John Lasseter continues with a snuggly Winnie The Pooh touchingly faithful to Walt's original 1960s cartoons as much as AA Milne's stories.

I loved the simplicity of this film as it transported me back to my childhood. Pooh sets off with a rumble in his tummy, distracted by doomy old Eeyore who has lost his tail and, later, Christopher Robin vanishes, presumed kidnapped by the "Backson" beast. Despite Pooh sounding ever so slightly like Vivien Leigh in A Streetcar Named Desire, a rather good film I might add, the utmost homage is paid to the original. I adored the added extra of Pooh wondering through the pages of the book and knocking letters off.

A good old nostalgia moment for me. Watch it and unleash your inner child. But be warned, there are some rather questionable mini cartoons at the beginning of the film. Don't say that you weren't warned.

My Star Rating:

7/10 *

My Film: 'Your Highness' 14-5-11

Your Highness. An absolutely brilliant parody of the typical historical 'epics'. From the director of the very brilliant Pineapple Express, the stoner comedy, comes Your Highness. The mythological piss take.

Relentless in his silliness, defiant in his determination never to let the sword of bad taste sleep in his hand, Danny McBride leads the cast in an immature broad comedy calculated to outrage those nose-wrinklers of a peevish and fastidious disposition. Basically ye olde medievale prequele to the stoner comedy Pineapple Express, featuring American actors doing a modified dudespeak in outrageous cod-Brit accents. Awful much? McBride plays Prince Thadeous, a ne'er-do-well minor royal who must step up and be a man when he joins a quest led by his noble elder brother Prince Fabeous, played by Oscar nominated James Franco and warrior queen Isabel, another Oscar nominee, Natalie Portman. Well, this cheerful film has no ambitions other than to deliver laughs, and that it does however crude they are.

My Star Rating:

6/10 *

My Film: 'Source Code' 10-4-11

Inception creator, Christopher Nolan’s gift for combining puzzling narratives with pulse-racing action and insane visual effects has rightly crowned him the king of all puzzling films. Yet if Source Code is anything to go by, he could have a challenge on his hands.

His competition? One Duncan Jones, whose gripping follow-up to lunar puzzler Moon mirrors the seismic jump Nolan made between his monochrome 1998 indie Following and 2000’s brilliant Memento and should likewise propel Jones into the Hollywood big-leagues. Which t be honest, is well deserved from a man who was forced to live with the name Zowie Bowie... deary me. If nothing else, it should speedily free him from the ‘son of David Bowie’ tag that dogged him when Moon surfaced two years ago, even if its hero – Colter Stevens, a US helicopter pilot in Afghanistan mysteriously separated from the rest of his unit – does bear uncanny similarities with a certain Major Tom. Ground control to Major Tom (:

I am a massive fan of his film 2009 film, Moon and even decided to write my coursework on it; it is by far my favourite science fiction film EVER. And I did not think he that he would be able to out do it. How wrong I was. It was fast paced, brilliantly filmed and kept me on my toes. I suppose that it does kind of help that it stars the ever beautiful Jake Gyllenhaal.

My Star Rating:

8/10 *

My Film: 'Sucker Punch' 7-4-11

If you have seen them and thought Zack Snyder’s previous films, among them 300 and Watchmen, were over the top, in your face cliché– they have nothing on Sucker Punch. It consisted of a group of girls wearing very little clothing and shooting at zombies and dragons.

His first movie to be based on original material rather than a comic book which was the case with Watchmen and 300 and presumably named after the sensation of stupidity in this ridiculous, militantly stupid orgy of guns, knives and explosions that recalls reminds me of Shutter island, kill bill and Tomb raider, if I am honest.  However, I should of hated this obviously 'lad' film but I did like it. I liked the darkness of it of it to be honest, I did however, find it far to dark to have it certified as a 12A.

It is worth a watch but I don't think I will buy it on dvd.

My Star Rating:

6/10 *

My Film: 'Hop' 2-4-11

When I went to the cinema this evening I was in two minds about what the film would be like. Hop. A childrens film about the easter bunny. How awful does that sound? But my dear readers, do not judge a book by it's cover, this film was fun and inventive and still included some humour that only the adult members of the audience would understand.

Russell Brand continues to cosy up to US audiences, providing the voice of a rebellious novice Easter Bunny who hides out with a human layabout. This seasonal family flick comes from the makers of Despicable Me, which kept cuteness at bay with Steve Carell’s grumpy stylings.


For a children's film, I didn't feel that uncomfortable feeling tat I usually get whilst watching a film made for the younger generation, not that i usually watch kiddy films. Hey, I rarely watch a film bellow a 12A.


This is a good seasonal film that all the family will enjoy. Watch it. Even if you never see it again, it must be seen. NOW!

My Star Rating:

6/10 *